Volume 1 Number 9

Matt looked serious when we sat down together at the local McDonald’s. I was Matt’s ministry coach. We were diligently following my training curriculum and I assumed I was doing a good job. I was puzzled by Matt’s initiative to get together about a personal matter.

Pulling a paper napkin from his tray, Matt drew two circles. “Bill, this circle represents me. The other circle represents you.” From his circle, he drew an arrow to my circle. At my circle, he drew an arrow pointing the other way. “Sometimes this is how I feel our relationship works.”

“When I get honest with you, you respond to my concerns. But I feel you pull away from me and aren’t always honest with me. This relationship seems one-sided and I don’t know how much longer I can continue in it.”

Drawings on table napkins can be tipping points for eternity. This was a tipping point for me. There was a gap between my ministry expertise and my life, a gap of transparency. Sometimes I hide things because I fear what others will think or I’m ashamed of my inadequacies. Without sinking into pop psychology, an incident in Jesus’ life taught me the biblical need for authenticity.

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As our Lord finished His final instructions to the disciples, He makes the comment: “You have been those who have stood by me in my trials (Luke 22:28).” What did he mean by this?

When we stand with someone in their trials, it means more than standing next to them physically. Standing with someone means that we’re emotionally present to support and help in time of need. The disciples did that for Jesus. But how could they know when he was facing trials?

The mystery of the interplay between Jesus’ humanity and deity can’t be resolved here. But, we know that our Lord faced trials like us without yielding to sin (Hebrews 2:18). This was not a pleasant journey. Jesus made His offer of salvation perfect through suffering (Hebrews 2:10). What helped Him to victory? He had friends who stood with him. How could his friends know when and how to stand? Our Lord must have told them when He had need!

Expressing His needs did not compromise Jesus’ leadership but demonstrated His humanity. As alongsiders, our transparency in relationships is not diminished when we honestly share our lives. Matt’s example showed me the power of transparency. Like most things in life, change starts with me.

In the coming week, take the initiative to be honest with someone you're an alongsider to. Honestly express how you’re feeling or ask for help in a current trial. The alongsider adventure begins when we live transparently with others. I’m still on this journey, taking steps to move the arrow of my life towards others rather than away from them.